Annoying Facebook Status Updaters

My loser friend Rick and I often point out to eachother the multitude of people that present annoying statuses on facebook. BTW remember when it was called TheFacebook? Before Manhattan got facebook, we had to use CollegeFacebook. It was like the 3DO to the Playstation. I digress.

Anyways, after reading some of my friend's status updates, I start to taste yellow bile as it rises from my esophagus. Here are the kinds of messages that really get to me...

1. Girls that talk about sports (genuine bandwagoners). First of all, girls talking about sports is like me describing Ugandan financial markets. Not only is it without merit, but no one in their right minds should listen. Most of the time, girls like teams because they have nice colors, a good looking player (once Kyle Korver left Philly, a lot of girls on my list suddenly stopped mentioning the Sixers), or their dad/bf likes the team.

2. Braggers. Examples: "wow just ran a PR in the half mile", "is lucky to have such great parents that love her so much", "just got the Benz detailed". I dont want to hear about how great love is, how much you love your parents that aren't divorced yet, or how nice the sand is on the beaches of Punta Cana you assbag.

4. People that update about something that probably has to do with their relationships. Stuff like "at the fork in the road...will we take the same path?", "take one step at a time", and "i thought things would change...I should have known better." Eff all these people. Every time I read one of these, I think about what if the kids in the Sudan had facebook and what their status would be. Probably like "..is hungry" or "burying my brother" or "wish I had rice."

5. Top 20 pop music quotes that somehow apply to their lame lives. Examples "...All eyes on me just like a circus." Yeah, all eyes are on you cause ur a fat bitch and people are waiting for you to explode. Or "..is a female version of a hustler." Yeah I bet...since a femal version of a hustler is a prostitute.

6. And the worst of all.... the person who has a 7:1 update to wall post ratio. Like the girl Rick and I know that constantly posts about her bf and food. What really makes me mad about this she's constantly updating, yet no one is even showing they care about her wack life by posting on her wall. So why does she keep doing this? FU*********************!