Where's my social security?
Thursday, February 28
That's what I'm going to be asking when I'm 65. That is, of course, hinging on the fact that I will one day return to Somerset County where one's average life span is cut dramatically short because deer run rampant across every road, darting in front of cars crack gang turf wars.
Why will I be asking this? Well, for one reason... our national debt is deeper than the pores of Ray Liotta's face. But another reason includes our taxpayer's money (Note: I did not mention my tax dollars...because I am unemployed) is going towards Congressional hearings where even the Congressman leading the hearings feel are unnecessary. If I could borrow words from my professor's blog, he states that
Given this is not a new occurrence, why are we so obsessed with this story? More importantly, why is the U.S. Senate involved? Don't they have more important things to do? Can't they simply mandate that MLB deal with this issue and correct the problems? Fire the players? Demand repayment of salaries? There are probably a dozen different ways to deal with this rather than what we are doing!
Echoing the same feelings, yet less subtly, was Da Great White Cousin, who exclaimed:
Why is congress wasting peoples money with this Clemens crap? What a freaking waste
...who gives a shit? It'l take something bad to happen to get people back to their senses. [I bet] Clemens is praying for a tsunami in queens. It's just a way for these congressmen to get up and spout off.
Well I couldn't agree with his last statement more. First off, this should be an issue the league should deal with itself. The only argument I feel where this may not be true is if it can be proven that the owners or the one-time owner, Bud Selig, was involved in promoting the steroid/HgH culture in baseball.
Pretty soon, we are just going to assume just as all 16 year old girls in Western Tennessee have webcams in their bedrooms, that all baseball players have used some sort of illegal substances to enhance their performance. I think the best analogy I've heard so far comes from a guy on the Metrorail in Coconut Grove who said "it's like high-level porn. You hardly ever see girls that haven't had work done. Same as the major leagues?" Well, baseball isn't porn and it shouldn't be. Well, unless you're married to Kris Benson.
p.s. Miley Cyrus' mouth is weird, isn't it. No really, look when she sings next time. It's just weird.
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 12:29 AM 0 comments
Money is King
Wednesday, February 27
Wow. Da Great White Hype actually sold out! First... if his blog was a Muslim woman... it would be draped in the veil of Yardbarker. And now, he asks for help from someone else to write on the blog that carries his own name!
Well, if you thought this was the end of the world, then you would be wrong. Just look over at the Southside of Chicago where the company that owns the Cubs (Tribune Co.) is looking to sell the naming rights to Wrigley Field. So why would he do such a thing? I mean, Wrigley is of iconic statue in not just baseball, but in all arena-lore of the nation. The ivy that grows up the outfield wall like lepracy spreading over a 15th century pauper's body. The lighted board that guards the entrance way to the heavenly gates, famous for its "Save Ferris!" message. Is this owner really doing something wrong? Well, I say no.
This is because baseball, and all of sports, is a buisness. It's not enough to satisfy your fanbase, but to satisfy your wallet. If that means turning Wrigley Field into The Park at Zima Field then so be it. These guys are not looking out for us! We as fans are just another small cog in the sports machine. What these owners are looking to do is make a buck (or a few mil) out of whatever source they can. Whether that is through naming rights to a stadium, ripping out seats in the top left field corner to make room for more luxury boxes, or putting ad's on team jerseys (which will happen eventually), owners are in this buisness for one reason and one reason only.
To make money.
Posted byEl Guapocito at 1:45 PM 0 comments
Our first employee!
Somehow I forgot to mention this a week ago. DGWH has an indentured servant new writer working for us. Since I've been real busy and unable to bang out any articles for the past two months, I've enlisted the help of a new writer. So I hope you all enjoy the creations of El Guapocito . Like Da Great White Hype, his identity will be fully concealed (for about 2 months)... but he used to write for a Yankees blog, and I'm sure he will prove to be valuable now that baseball is starting. He also wanted to make the point that he is not Mexican.
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 1:28 PM 0 comments
Real Thugs Feel Pain Too...
From 1998-2001, my dad and I had season tickets to the Somerset Patriots. My favorite player on the team was Brian Traxler, a heavy set first basemen who was the best power hitter on the Pats. I just found out he died 3 years ago. As this article says, he only had 1 major league hit, but he was defined by the fact that he was the poster boy for the fan-friendly independent league.
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 1:48 AM 0 comments
Hypes at the Combine
Name: Hype, D.G. White
College: Manhattan College (Historically White College)
Height: 6'1 5/8 (in Crocs)
Weight: 1_8
40 Yard: 4.45 (stopped at 31 yard line due to feeling "gassed")
Reps: Bronx, Central Jersey, Dade County, even S.E. Pennsylvania sometimes
Bench Press Reps: Laughed at by Argentinian place kickers
Vertical: n/a (instead offered to participate in "Horizontal", bedazzling scouts
Wonderlic: When offered, stated "wonderlic" was a sexual maneuver he would like to demonstrate on Erin Andrews.
Wonderlic Results: legally retarded in Alabama
Dietary: Flinstones Vitamins (any color but purple), Fruity Pebbles (no homo) followed by 1/4 Chicken Meal at Pollo Tropical for lunch with Kool Aid, Dunkaroos for snack, Publix Fried Chicken for dinner with Key Lime Pie and Vanilla ice cream with caramel Magic Shell topping for dessert.
Position: Flanker split wide in Wing-T formation
Inspirational Quote: No Fat Chicks
Facebook Pokes Per Hour (PPH): 3.4
Gauntlet III and Rock of Love Members to Have a Threesome With: Daisy and T.J. Lavin (note: He would force T.J. Lavin to watch him have sex with Daisy all while burning Lavin's extensive FOX Racing Hat and T-Shirt collection at the same time)
What Scouts Had To Say:
Remember that faggot on the Texas sidelines holding the water bottles.... yeah, the one who touched the football while it was still in play last year? I'd franchise tag his prematurely balding ass before ever picking this skinny prick in the draft! ~NFC Scout
Yeah, Hype... he's the reason why we should have a draft. A military draft. But in that case, he'd probably pack up both his and his boyfriend's stuff in their Louis Vuitton suitcases and make a run for the border faster than you can say "I just blew out the washroom at Tim Hortons after I ate a bucket of poutine with a couple of peelers" ~Sean Salisbury
He's ugly ~Adrian Brody
Hype...never heard of him... [Bill Belichick whispers in his ear]... wait, he's white? I think we need a outside linebacker... lets see if we can move up to get him! ~Robert Kraft
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 1:05 AM 0 comments
Things that piss me off
Monday, February 18
-Lupe Fiasco
-Dwight Howard 's "dunk" aka his "throw the ball really hard into the hoop dressed as a fag
-people that like Lupe Fiasco
-spacer earrings
-victoria beckham's face in every picture
-girls that have the Sex & The City facebook application. Yes, you are just like Carrie because you have a face that looks like a foot. Or, yes, you are Samantha because you are a huge slut and your vagina resembles the aftermath of a Las Vegas casino being imploded.
-Congressional hearings on sports. I will be 65 and unable to collect on Social Security that would be coming out of my paycheck if I had a job right now. Instead, we get to watch Henry Waxman (who looks as if Hitler had a love child with a golpher) grill the Rocket no homo.
-Mexicans
-Haha just kidding.
-Guys that post on my ex-girlfriends facebook wall.
-The time it takes to ask someone at the school of the guy who posted on her wall to log into facebook, check this dude's profile out and see why the fuck he has to write on my ex-girlfriends wall.
-Seriously. He fucking threw the ball! How gay.
-I hate Julia Roberts.
-But I hate this most of all.
-I hate that I love you so, Rihanna. But her forehead looks like a tanned speed bump.
-I hate Marissa Miller. Have you ever seen a girl that's so hot you cant even look. Primarily because you know you will never get her (I can't emphasize) but also because you are mad that God made some girl so hot that if she killed your parents and then wore a cape made out of your father's backskin, you would still probably have sex with her.
-I hate that most DVDs are shot in that widescreen letterbox format. Everytime a DVD is like that I say it sucks and my friends are like "no its cool thats for better quality. Fuck that. If I wanted to see mostly black on the TV screen, I'd squint for 90 minutes.
-faux hawks. I hate faux hawks.
-weirdos that have huge headphones attached to their iPods. Its like using a Magnum for your needle dick.
-Standing in elevators. I never know what to do, especially when there are like 8 other people and 2 dogs in there. I can't check my phone because there is no service. And usually half way down my junk starts to itch and even if i wanted to do the wiggle hip adjust, I don't have enough room to do it without doing things that would look like I could be arrested for in the state of Georgia.
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 1:42 AM 0 comments
My Second Video Blog Post
Thursday, February 14
Damn... Da Great White Hype hits all the relevant subjects! SI Swimsuit Issue... Clemens and Congress... Cartesian Existentialism and its relevance in Post-Modernism. Let me know how this one came out no homo...
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 2:24 AM 0 comments
My first video blog post!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, February 10
Sure... it was later than Jamie-Lynn Spears' period... but I worked through the night to bring my shitty insights into your life by video. Appreciate it.
I should really title this post "um... yeah so" because that seems to be my phrase du jour. I'm really like a 16 year old girl in that I have so say some weird interjections after every word such as "like" or "um." Anyways, I know this video was about as successful as shooting a rabbit while your Oregon Trail family is on bare bones rationing, but its a start. It could be worse.. (peep the bloopers linked below)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAc8suTM8x0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTaNdCjcO9o
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 3:44 AM 0 comments
Shove it up your Mass Pike Bill Belisecondplace
Tuesday, February 5
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 11:38 AM 0 comments
I guess this means we pick last in the draft...
Monday, February 4
Surrounded by da great white dad, da great white babe, and a bunch of friends, I kept thinking to myself, "Holy shit. Can you believe this shit?" I think a lot of people were thinking the same thing.
Although it was one of the greatest games I've ever seen, it was even greater that I got to be there with my dad to see it. But it was also nice having the great white babe there too... especially since we are over the whole "is the yellow line really on the field" thing. It ended up being the not just the most watched SB of all time, but second all time behind the episode of Newport Harbor when Clay and Chrissy hooked up for the first time the last episode of M*A*S*H
One great surprise was the text messages and calls I got not just from my friends that were Giants fans, but from Eagles fans. It pretty much assured me that a great percentage of football fans were against Brady, Belliache, and the racist cesspool that is Boston and its football team going undefeated.
That being said...
Last night's game may go down as the best Super Bowl ever played. You or I were not around to see the Jets/Colts game of SB III. But we were around for the Rams/Titans showdown, where Who? Mike Jones! Mike Jones! made the tackle at the 2 to preserve the win for the Greatest Show on Turf. But last nights game had it all. A team full of superstars vs. a bunch of rag-tag underdogs. It had record-breaking performances by individuals and teams, and it had the best element any game on that level could have: the ability for each team to win the game on one play.
Al Pacino during his soliloquy from Any Given Sunday reiterated that football is a game of inches.
Never more was that true on the Eli escape/Tyree catch, or the Asante Samuel missed opportunity, or even the Brandon Jacobs 4th and 1 conversion. But football is also a game of heart. Last night, the Giants showed that they had more heart than the Patriots. The Giants made plays when they needed to, and they were resilient like no other team has shown this season. No team has ever won 10 straight games on the road before the 2007-08 New York Giants.
The Giants did exactly what they needed to do last night. Control the ball (30+ min. TOP). Limit turnovers (1). And more above all... get to Brady. 
WR David Tyree makes the play of a lifetime in one of the greatest Super Bowls of all time. With Pats' S Rodney Harrison on his back, Tyree, with the aid of the side of his helmet, came down on his back with the ball all after Manning escaped a possible takedown on 3rd down. I spy camel toe??
By now, you have heard everything there is about last night's game, but here is something you won't hear...
If you just took the season from the beginning of January until now, the Giants should have won this game. And I know that if these two teams played 10 times, the Giants would win probably 6 or 7 out of 10 of those times. While Eli was the MVP, Osi, Tuck, Strahan, and Mitchell were the VIPs. New England was unable to control the pass rush, which not only rattled Brady, but also the offensive line, resulting in multiple false start penalties. It's really early to predict what will occur in the offseason, but if the Giants lose Michael Strahan to retirement and Amani Toomer to free agency, they might end up alright with DE Justin Tuck and WR Steve Smith as replacements. Besides the play of Tyree, I was most impressed with Smith, as I have been all year. He missed most of the season with a broken shoulder blade, yet time and time again has should great field presence, something which has made Toomer a multi-millionaire (just look at Smith's play on the first down catch in the flat in the red zone on the final drive to stay in bounds).
Eli recognized that he had Plaxico one-on-one with Ellis Hobbs... and Plax sold the inside slant, running a perfect fade route to score the GW TD.
So what does this all mean? Well, the Giants are the best team in football. For all I heard this morning on the radio about the Pats being in a weak division and getting 6 wins automatically from the Fins, Bills, and Jets... they were still unlike any team we've ever seen. Let's not forget the accomplishments the Pats made this year. I don't think we will ever see the dominance that they illustrated in the beginning and middle of the season ever again. But big teams need to perform in big games in order for them to be called great. That's what the Giants did last night.
"Speak softly, carry a big stick (no homo)" -Teddy Roosevelt. No other player epitomized that better this season than Super Bowl XLII MVP Eli Manning.
P.S. If someone told you the Giants would only score 17 points, and Steve Smith and David Tyree would be making the game changing plays last night... would you even think the Giants would have a chance to win? Oh and how dumb does Tiki feel?
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 4:08 PM 0 comments
My Prediction(s)
Saturday, February 2
Tomorrow is the big day. In Puppy Bowl IV (Animal Planet), I believe that once again, the French Bichon will prove that she is the friskiest out of the toy group, pulling an upset over the Pomeranian. "Nibbles," the white Pom, has shown a tendency to look lax on defense, as well as to eat its own poo. 
This bitch looks to step it up in the 4th installment of the show 57 year old women will be fancying all day tomorrow
My prediction for Fools Rush In (10pm TBS), 
I believe that the WASPy Matthew Perry will eventually realize that although the only surface bond between him and Selma Hayek of Mexican decent may be their unplanned pregnancy, they do have a lot more in common. I forecast that hilarity will ensue as culture clashes will be plentiful, but love will eventually conquer all, and Selma Hayek will win Matthew Perry's heart over with an order of his favorite Grey's Papaya delivered from New York City to his home in Arizona.
At 9:30pm, ESPNU will feature the replay of Miami vs. Duke college basketball. I predict that Duke will win 88-73.
As for football (since Kurt Browning's "Gotta Skate!" has defiantly jumped the shark as of late), here is my prediction:
The Patriots are unlike anything I've ever seen in my sports-watching life. Few teams I can remember have been as dominant for a whole season. The 1998 Yankees, the 1999 St. Louis Rams, the 1947 Michigan Wolverines....
They've got more weapons in their cache than a really pissed off sleeper cell in Tora Bora. We all know about the stars... but I heard something today that really stands out... the Pats have 11 more three-and-outs than they do wins (18) on the season.
In order for the Giants to win, they have to 1) Not turn the ball over, 2)Have another big game from KR Dominick Hixon (220 yds, 1 TD in the game against the Pats in Week 17), 3) Capitalize on any Pats turnovers 4) Hold onto the ball for 40+ minutes
Contrary to their appearance as children, none of the Manning offspring turned out to be child predators as adults. Yes, even Cooper.
Randy Moss has only had 2 catches all postseason. But the Giants should still look to focus on him. Wes Welker is a threat, but one for the home run ball, as Moss has made a career off of. Moss has not been jovial as of late, but that could be a response to the harassment suit brought against him last week. I can't imagine him not having a huge game tomorrow. After seeing the Pack torch the Giants James Butler on a deep TD to Driver, the Pats will be licking their chops if the G-men are lined up in a Nickel. I believe the Pats will come out firing, but will eventually utilize Lawrence Maroney (4 100 yard games in his last 5) as the game wears down.
As for the Giants, their key to success lies in Eli Manning being as efficient as he has in the past 4 games. They also need to not just pressure Brady, but knock him down. In the week 17 match up, the Giants hurried or hit Tom Brady 11 times, with also 1 sack added (no homo). But in those 11 times....
Brady was 8-11 in passing.
That means the Giants, especially Justin Tuck, Osi, and Strahan, must hit Brady. In perhaps the worst game Brady has played this year in a sloppy win against the Jets, he looked totally out of sync as he threw for 1 INT and 0 TDs. The Jets would line up at the line of scrimmage with only 2 DTs and the rest of the guys would be circling around. Perhaps the Giants will pull some tricks on defense to confuse Brady.
The Giants must pick and choose their time to blitz. Def. coordinator Steve Spagnolo has done a masterful job in the postseason, but has had added help with certain players stepping it up. A labeled-bust in Corey Webster has shut down Joey Galloway, Terrell Owens, and Greg Jennings over the past three weeks, adding a key INT in the NFC Championship game. As for the offense, Plaxico will be the focal point, but Amani Toomer will play the Wes Welker role as he has been all post season...which is to move the chains.
New England plays man-to-man often, which will allow the Giants to go deep. Eli's ability to throw deep off of play action will keep the Giants in the game. But in order for that to be successful, they must have a running game and stick to it.
The Patriots have had resurgence in their running game. But I think the reason they will win this game is because of the X-factors. Benjamin Watson, an often overlooked TE is a great threat in the red zone. Kyle Brady, one of the best blocking TEs in the league, will help to nullify either Osi or Strahan on the line. And WR Donte Stallworth will look to match up against the less-than-adequate Giants CB reserves.
I don't see the Pats scoring 4 touchdowns. Nor do I see the Giants being able to control the clock like they need to in order to keep Brady off the field. The two weeks off defiantly hurts the Giants, as evidenced in Super Bowls of past, the bye week helps the better team.
Giants 17 Patriots 30 (sad face).
P.S. I know its mad Jim McGreevey to say this, but I'm pretty happy with even being at the Super Bowl. No one is picking the Giants to win it, and if they do, they aren't convincing. After losing our best player to retirement, I would have been happy with 8-8 season. But after the 0-2 start, I didn't think that could be possible. I think a lot of Giants fans need to recognize the job new GM Jerry Reese has done, especially with the draft of '07. Eli proved he belongs as a starter in NY for a long time, especially after Phillip Rivers lost in his championship game. But most of all, Tom Coughlin needs to be recognized for the job he has done. While two years ago he looked like he was out coached in almost every other game (especially in the last playoff debacle against the Panthers), he has risen up and become a favorite of the team's leaders in Strahan and Eli. He has had this team prepared better than any coach in the NFC in the last 6 games, when it counted more for this team than any other stretch. But what says most about him is the road record... zero losses since week 1. Ok screw it... I'm predicting Giants 34 Pats 32.
Posted byDa Great White Hype at 8:03 PM 0 comments
