Day In The Life...

8:23am: Cell phone rings and wakes me up. Can't see without contacts and take the battery out of phone instead of trying to find the "sounds off" setting.

9:09am: Fully awake now after a dream that can only be described as my failure to hold off Israeli task force from entering my hostage compound.

9:45am: Man, Kelly Ripa is hot. Also, might think about recording Rachel Ray after promo shows her making nachos for under $3.00.

10:15am: Sopranos on A&E. I've watched the last 14 episodes and I'm beginning to see the transition in Jamie Lynn Sigler's life from anorexia to binge eater. Note to self: add "gabagool" and "manigoth" to grocery list.

11:23am: Take shower. Turn on radio on iHome. After every station is playing "No Air," I put on iPod. Get back in shower. Sick of this song, get out of shower. Repeat four times and soak bathroom floor.

11:34am: Five. Five dollar. Five dollar footlongggggg.

11:43am: Watch ESPNews and wonder when the worldwide leader turned into People Magazine for sports.

12:56pm: Supposed to be out by the pool by now, but MarkyxxMark93 keeps asking for rematches in NHL08.

1:19pm: Facebook time!!! Stalk ex. Who the hell is this writing on her wall? Try to think of someone who goes to this dude's school so I can use their account to stalk him. Look through tagged pictures of girl from high school in fatty sorority to make myself feel better. Try to find bumper sticker to send to ex. Perhaps a sticker that comely illustrates how I miss her....or....a bumper sticker that depicts an Egyptian cursed icon in hopes that vengeful hordes of the un-dead will follow her around.

4:00pm: End of Facebook time. Switch to MySpace.

5:19pm: Drive to class. Trying not to touch the accelerator while coasting down route 1 to Coral Gables to save gas. I remember hearing about "drafting" while playing NASCAR 03 in high school. Maybe I'll try that.

6:01pm: Arrive at class. I make a joke, and everyone laughs. Pick up Glenn's cell phone/pen/notebook/car keys/hat/playbook for 2 straight hours. Draw cubes in notebook. Interrupt class with beeping from phone after receiving text from family member saying "You're gay." Pick a big word such as "inconsequential" and use it in a way that doesn't make sense, yet professor nods head.

9:23pm: Five. Five dollar. Five dollar footlonggggggggg.

9:48pm: Haha that Tyler Perry is one funny cat. Take another hit of LSD.

10:34pm: Watch NBA playoffs. Try to count the black people in stands.

10:49pm: Recieve IM from someone I don't feel like talking to. Sign off, then back on, then off, then back on again. IM them back saying "sorry dude my internet is messed up." Then sign off again.

11:23pm: Hottie signs on to IM. Open up IM box, but don't say anything. Think about typing something funny, but all I can come up with is "u see audrina's nude pics?" Finally IM her. She signs off, signs back on. Says internet is going in and out.

11:54pm: Leno. Man Hillary Duff is such a dimer.

11:59pm: Turn off tv. Say prayer for Giants to repeat as super bowl champs and for God to send some money babies to the Sport Adm. program next fall.