Okay I've Learned My Lesson...
Tuesday, October 30

Last week i went 3-2 in picks, bringing my silky smooth ass to 18-20-2 for the season. Here is my only pick of the week.

Patriots (-6.5) over Colts.

Seriously? Only giving 6.5 points?

Okay. Last week (let's just assume betting is legal) I let it ride on the Skins getting 17 from the Pats. Fucking big mistake. The Pats recently have been putting in Matt Cassel, a QB they drafted in 2005. Guess how many more starts Cassel had at USC then he has had in the NFL. ONE. He started one game at USC. AND THAT WASN'T EVEN AT QUARTERBACK! IT WAS AT TIGHT END. The Patriots are fucking with us. And it's not going to stop anytime soon.

Before last night's game, the Patriots had a 5 game lead over the second place team in the AFC East (Buffalo). If you combined all the leads for first place teams over second place teams, it equals 5.5 games. ITS WEEK EIGHT! Yes, the AFC East is full of cockgobblers and Trent Edwards is the second-best quarterback in that divison.

Thinking about betting this weekend? Here's my formula which might help




On Monday morning, I'm going to wake up and give the high-priced Asian hooker I just bought with my winnings directions for her to get home. Then I'm going to roll over and reach into my sugar jar full of coke. I don't do coke, but after the way I'm going to ride the Pats like a cheap ho, I might have to start buying some bricks of that shit.

And I understand why every one's getting pissed at the Pats running up the scores (and for that matter, putting in Matt Cassel who blows and then putting Brady back in to show how good Brady is), but for real..... take Brady's knees out. If I were on defense, I would tear up Brady's knee ligaments like the first present on Christmas. Then I'd wait til a ball floats up for Randy Moss and I'd straight up undercut him and flip him on his backwoods country ass. But teams have yet to implement the "intent to injure" defense, and the Pats keep winning.

Okay, the Colts are far better offensively than any other team that the Pats have played, except for the Cowboys maybe. And they sure don't have vagina's in cleats like the Skins parade out every Sunday. But seriously. They are going to lose this game. If they don't, I will post my mom's cell phone number on my blog. I promise.

Shit, Brady has 30 touchdowns already. There's no way to say it without sounding like a stupid bitch, but that's impressive. After Favre entered double digits in TDs last night, Peter King couldnt get Brett's Wranglers off quick enough to suck on his balls. I'm not saying Brady should be getting more attention, but to throw this many TDs in the first eight games is a bigger accomplishment than anything Favre has done lately. Except that pass last night. That was awesome.

But for real. 30 touchdowns. Akili Smith probably creates himself in Madden with 100 at every rating, and he probably gets only 25 by the end of the season. On medium. Brady is playin on All-Madden. The Pats will continue to fuck with the league. They are done playing pussy games like SpyGate. Now they are putting in their TE/QB to run for first downs, while throwing to their LBs in the end zone as usual. Pretty soon Wes Welker will be scoring touchdowns, then kicking the extra points.

Oops... already happened.

So if you are actually going to take the Colts, then go head. Take the 6.5 points. By the end of the game I promise you will be shaking like Michael J. Fox, wishing you took my advice. This is the lock of the year.

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 9:31 PM 1 comments  

Red Sox Win World Series ...A-Rod Opts Out Of Contract
Monday, October 29

-Alex Rodriguez and his agent Scott Boras still managed to grab the spotlight from the Sox during last night's final game of the World Series with the announcement. I thought it was pretty lame of A-Rod to a)not show up for the Hank Aaron award prior to the game starting (which he had some family excuse) then b)to have the announcement released during the game.




The Yankees were prepared to make some sort of extension, but the whole deal was based on that 21 million coming from the Rangers on the previous contract. In trying to show up the club, Boras even said afterwards that he would still consider negotiating with the Yankees. A-Rod is the best player in the game, but the Yankees will be better off without him in the long run.

-Looks like Girardi will be the new manager. Girardi has had prior experience and success (2006 NL Manager of the Year while with the the Marlins). Mattingly also was the choice of George Steinbrenner, and Cashman favored Girardi. Now since the sons of Steinbrenner seem to be in full control, it seems to be a changing of mentality as Cashman might have been given more power to decide what's good for the Yankees and the future.

-Boston was definatly the best team of the year, no doubt, from Spring Training til the end. They had it all working all year, from pitching to hitting... from first-years Pedroia and Ellsbury to veterans Ramirez, Lowell, Varitek and Ortiz. An excellent bullpen combined with argueably the games best pitcher really was the stronghold for the Sox. They managed to hold on to the AL East all year, even with late surges from the Yanks. But more impressively, they swept the hottest team ever in baseball history in the biggest stage in the game. I hope they all contract AIDS.

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 5:20 PM 0 comments  

I lost count after 21...
Sunday, October 28



Trinity (Tx.) totally pwned the special teams noobz of Northwestern, 1980 Minnessota Vikings, Millsaps College.

"That might be one of the most sensational, most incredible endings in all of Division III !!!" ~Bill Swint calls it like he sees 'em.

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 2:48 AM 0 comments  

Sunday Picks
Saturday, October 27

I went a killer 1-5 last week, bringing me at 15-18-2 on the season. If betting was legal, I would be struggling to find reasons to wake up in the morning afternoon.

Here are my picks for this week.




*2 suculent mammories= guarenteed lock

*1 single floatation device= pretty sure

*1 Keira Knightly flat chest= don't bet on it suckaaa



Saints (-2.5) over Niners
I remember in high school we would have to watch the 1960's video of a Shakespeare play. Then one day, our teacher said we would watch the updated version from like 1999 just because they depicted a scene better than the old one. Sure, it was better than watching a crappy black and white video, but it was still the same shit. The Saints are like the 90's version of Othello, while the Niners are the 1960s. Same shit, but Saints look better. Saints have been rolling the past two weeks, and Frank Gore hasn't seen the end zone since San Diego had rain.


Vikings (+1) over Eagles
The Eagles are in shambles. A devistating last minute loss to the Bears set them back in the basement of the NFC East. Westbrook seems to not comprehend how contract's work and is letting WIP Radio know this. And McNabb is finally realizing why the team drafted a QB this past offseason. In about 3 weeks, we will be seeing the future of this team.... not handing off to Westbrook most likely.


Bills (+3) over Jets
The Jets situation is like if you were about to dump your girlfriend for a hotter, younger girl. Then the night before it goes down, she runs a marathon on your South Carolina University. That's what happened after Chad threw for 3 TDs last week. Clemmons will make an appearance sooner than later, especially since the Pats magic number in the East must be like 3 by now.



Browns (-3) over Rams
If I could pick my fantasy team all over again, my team would be led by Derek Anderson, with him handing off to Derrick Ward and throwing to Wes Welker. Instead, I rely on Laverneus Coles. Needless to say, I'm in last.


Redskins (+16) over Pats
Fuck. Boston is so gay. First, The Sux come back from 3-1 and now have a controlling series over the Rockies. Then BC takes advantage of a mistake by VT's "hands team" and scores 2 TDs in the 4th to sorta legitimize their #2 position (even tho any top 5 SEC team would beat them). Skins offense was pretty wack last week, but I think LaSaundry will keep Brady in check (only 4 TDs).

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 2:09 AM 0 comments  

Interview with Kelley Michaels
Friday, October 26

Kelley Michaels is one of the top recruited athletes in all of Nova Scotia. His 6'2 athletic frame dwarfs all his other teammates in football and basketball at Inuit High School. Every day after practice, Michaels skates over to his father's ice shanty to open up the letters from schools all across the Northern Territories.

Kelley's story has been well documented, most recently in The Moosejaw Times. Make sure to check out Kelley Michaels as he takes on the Nunavut High Norsemen (Channel 847 on Dish Network).

GWH: You hav accounted for 81% of your team's total yardage this fall. And you have already been named to the pre-season All-Walrus Conference team for basketball. How much pussy do you get?

Kelley Michaels: Man, it's not all about the girls and the drugs and the wild ice-fishing nights. It's about doin a hot chick while rippin a bong and catching a perch in a wooden shack. At the same time.

GWH: If you had to describe the type of offense that you run at Inuit High, would it be a run-and-shoot or more of a spread?

Kelley Michaels: If I had to describe it, it would have to be something where I do it all myself. Like a fleshlight. Those things are really sweet.

GWH: Two weeks from now, you and the rest of your team take on the perennial-powerhouse Saskatoon Prep. How do you like your chances?

Kelley Michaels: Remember that scene in The Patriot, where Mel Gibson and his kids see the Redcoats in a wagon on the trail? The kids are like 10 and 7, yet manage to fire perfectly at moving targets with single shots each.

GWH: So you're saying....?

Kelley Michaels: Were going to need those kids in the stands sniping the other team.

GWH: Today, we obtained a media guide for your team. Seems like you were notably absent for your individual photo.

Kelley Michaels: Yeah, so they just put in my picture from 2nd grade. Works fine if you ask me.



GWH: Brody or Gavin?

Kelley Michaels: Gavin. Salmon roll is severely underrated.

GWH: Don't you think its weird that people actually wipe while they sit on the toilet?

Kelley Michaels: Yeah man! I'd be scarred to hit the back of my hand with dirty poo water. Sickkkk.

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 1:39 AM 3 comments  

Vid Picks Of Da Week
Thursday, October 25

Besides the "ThunderLabia" below, here are the top two videos of the week...


Superman That Bo! Wisconsin Bball coach Bo Ryan shows how to crank it (courtesy of Big Mike)


Sam Cassell Interview.... so wrong (courtesy of Pat Verbeeks biggest fan in Rhode Island)

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 11:50 PM 0 comments  

This is the only way I'd actually do it.....
Tuesday, October 23

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 8:51 PM 0 comments  

Never Have I Ever...

...Missed an episode of "Project Runway"













...Laughed











...Sucked on a purple Tootsie Pop











...Bought condoms. It's embarressing, you know?














...Used a fake I.D.











...Missed a team meal











...What?









...Gotten to listen to "my music" in the lockeroom since high school.







...Made myself a player in Madden that isn't a 99 on speed and 100 on arm strength. Or watched an episode of "Law & Order." Seriously. I don't know of one person that actually watches that, CSI, or Cold Case. Do you?

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 3:49 PM 2 comments  

Giants Dominate in Rout of Niners
Monday, October 22


The New York Giants bring a 5 game winning streak into Wembley Stadium for their Week 8 match up against what's left of the Miami Dolphins after defeating the San Francisco 49ers 33-15.



So, how have the Giants gone from the dark abyss of 0-2 (and 40.0 ppg allowed) to second place in the NFC East, one game behind Dallas?

Creating points off of turnovers.

Yesterday, on two interceptions (Madison and Pierce) and two fumble recoveries (Umenyiora), the Giants netted 23 points off San Fran miscues. In the past four weeks (not including yesterday's game), the Giants have been able to score 28 points off of six forced turnovers.

Defensive Coordinator Steve Spagnolo has been dialing up blitzes that have turned the defense into a offensive line wrecking crew. Adding 6 more sacks yesterday, the Giants were able to control the line of scrimmage all day. In the 5 games since the 0-2 start, the Giants have only give up 55 points.

Eli Manning continued his solid play, hitting TE Jeremy Shockey for a 2 yard TD pass to make it 33-9 which was preceded by delivering a strike to WR Amani Toomer in the end zone for Toomer's franchise record-setting 49th career touchdown reception as a Giant. Manning's one blemish on the stats sheet came on an interception on a drive in the Niners' end of the field, which set up San Fran's only lead of the game.

With RB Brandon Jacobs eclipsing the 100 yard mark for the second time this season, the offense was able to move efficiently while eating up huge chunks of clock. The game also marked the return of WR Steve Smith back from a shoulder blade injury.

-Game Ball Goes To... DE Osi Umenyiora. 2 fumble recoveries including one for a TD return, a forced fumble, and a sack demonstrated why he is the NFC's top defensive player of the year so far. Along with Osi, Michael Strahan, Justin Tuck, and Steve Smith got in on the sack party (no homo).

-I Was Perturbed By... The play of K Lawrence Tynes and the dropped basses by the backfield. Tynes missed his second PAT of the year, and barely connected on his first FG try of the day. Jacobs, Ward, and Hedgecock combined for 5 dropped passes (Ward dropped an easy TD pass from Manning in the first quarter.)

-After 2 Big Mistakes... MLB Antonio Pierce read and stepped in front of an in-pattern beautifully, intercepting a Trent Dilfer pass... almost taking it into the end zone. Pierce was responsible for two personal fouls, both roughing the passer, keeping 2 San Fran drives alive. If the Giants are to be an elite team, they have to minimize the after-the-fact penalties greatly.



-Did You Notice That....? LB/DE Mathias Kiwanuka pulled Trent Dilfer's flag? Oh wait, this is tackle football. In a play that mirrored his phantom sack against Vince Young last year, Kiwi once again had Dilfer in the grasp, yet failed to bring him down. Also, the Giants seem to be real confident with sending CB Aaron Ross on the blitz, and it's paying off. He had another sack yesterday, bringing his season total to 1.5.





Next Week: At Miami (technically... as the game is at Wembley Stadium, London, England... a road game for the G-Men going into the BYE week.) It must be taken into account that the combined record of the teams that the Giants have beaten is 10-22 (not to mention Miami is currently standing at 0-7). But the best teams always beat they teams they should beat, which the Giants have been able to do so far. As per every second half of Coughlin's seasons with New York, his team must find a way to keep momentum going after the BYE week, assuming they dispose of Miami.



Giants Highlights:




Other Giants News:

Strahan, Umenyiora, D-line motivated by personal wager (NY Daily News)

Giants Offensive Line Makes Unit Look Real Good

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 3:05 PM 0 comments  

Weekend Wrap-Up

-The Red Sox have made it to the World Series three times since 1986. All three times, they had to come back from 3-1 deficits in the ALCS. Last night's game showed just why Boston is the best team in the American League: great pitching, great defense, and timely hitting. Dice-K again displayed that he may be out of gas, but first-year SS Dustin Pedroia continued to finish up the ALCS strong. With a 2 run HR in the bottom of the 7th, Pedroia gave the Sox a 5-2 lead, and they would never look back, breaking the game open and winning the series over the Indians 4 games to 3. In Game 7, Youkillis along with Pedroia went 6 for 10 with 5 runs scored and 7 RBIs. If they continue their hot hitting, they will make the top and middle of the line-up a nightmare for Colorado pitching when they meet this week.

-Note to the experts who proclaimed it would be a mortal sin to select a Quarterback in the first round of a fantasy draft: Suck my sack. Tom Brady continues to tear it up, adding 6 touchdown passes against the Fins yesterday in a blowout win. I don't think I scored 6 touchdowns with my team combined yesterday. Rod Bironas probably exceeded any of my highest individual point totals. Not to mention, Tom has 27 TDs and 2 INTs with a 79% completion percentage. Holy F------ S----!

-As if things couldn't get worse for the Miami Dolphins, Cleo Lemon has just lost his best option to win as RB Ronnie Brown is out for the season with a knee injury.

-Who would have guessed Marion Barber III would outperform Adrian Peterson yesterday?

-If you could ever say a kicker could receive some MVP votes, this might be the year. Jason Elam continues to keep Denver's chances alive with yet another GW FG as time expires, making it 3 on the season.

-Philadelphia has lost their chance to make the postseason, and it's not even Halloween. They are now far behind the NFC East-leading Cowboys, and have already lost to the Giants and the Redskins.

-Thank God for Rutgers beating USF. Now its time for Virginia Tech to roll over BC at home and knock some sense into the BCS.

-LSU coach Les Miles continues to roll the dice and win games on ballsy calls. Matt Flynn's TD pass with :01 seconds in the game against the road bullies of Auburn kept LSU in the driver's seat to the BCS Championship. After Alabama, the Tigers' schedule is smooth sailing until the SEC Championship game. Having WR Early Doucet back in the linuep will continue to help LSU open up the passing game, along with explosive runs from speedster RB Trindan Holliday.

-My prediction of Michigan winning the Big Ten after its 0-2 start is still alive. Without RB Mike Hart and QB Chad Henne for a few plays, the Wolverines were able to hang on and beat upstart Illinois. It's all going to come down to the final game as usual with OSU.

-Tulane RB Matt Forte keeps on chugging to a possible first day draft pick this year. He produced his second 300-yard rushing game (he also has 4 games of 200 yards or more.)

Stat of the Week:

Twelve...top ten teams...have lost....this year...to....unranked....teams.

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 2:28 PM 0 comments  

Sunday Picks
Saturday, October 20

Last week I went 3-2, putting me at 14-13-2 for the season.

Click here for my picks for this week:

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 10:52 PM 1 comments  

I was unaware that...
Wednesday, October 17

....the North Dakota State football is ranked #18 in the BCS computer rankings. Evidently, part of the the formula is:
[(strength of schedule) x (opp. winning %)] / immunities built up against smallpox

....not so much that Quincy Carter got arrested again and may lose his starting position for the Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings of Arena League II, but that there is actually an Arena League II.

....sadly, Ron Springs has gone into a coma.

....encouragingly, Bills TE Kevin Everett is making amazing progress after his spinal cord injury.

....Manny Ramirez's solo home run last night (the finalé of the back-to-back-to-back shots) was actually worth 5 runs last night, judging by his pose after he made contact.


....Tampa Bay Lighting TV booth announcer Dave Mishkin can actually replicate the sound made by your mom when she catches you jacking it (FF to -2:48 seconds into the video)

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 6:28 PM 1 comments  

Thanks Everyone

-This past week marked my highest visitor number ever. From last Wednesday until today at 5pm, this site has seen 202 visitors.

-PAWG of the Week is the highest visited portion of this site, so I guess I'll keep that going. Some of the phrases people Google search to get to my site include "Miley Cirus," "what to eat for bigger breasts," "why women shouldn't work," and "big boobs." I hope all you habitual masturbaters and women haters are learning a lot about sports.

-I've had a lot of intersting feedback on the site. Some positive, some negative. Here's some:


You don't know me, but I saw your post on the Giants facebook group. I checked out your blog. I just wanted to say that I think it's very well done. It's nice to see a breakdown of my favorite team done so well. You may have something here. And Eli is stepping up! Take it easy man
-David S., MD (via Facebook.com message)

I just stumbled across your sports blog and I'm really impressed. A lot of good stuff!
-Dan L., NYC (via Facebook.com message)

Hype... hillarious stuff! This must be a great ice breaker when you are out on dates with guys
-Matt, NYC (via AIM).

I read your Dora the Explorer picks. You must be on acid.
-Jim P., NJ (via AIM)

You're still a fag!
-Rigatony154 (via AIM)

You look like Joel Osteen
-My cousin Brian

And our comment of the week:
What's a blog?
-Katie P, NY


So thanks everyone for actually checkin this shit out. I've also added the "comment section" below each post, so you all can use that.

Oh, and Matt, thanks for your comment. I'm glad you can take the time to read my blog after your busy day at your stepmom's dog grooming services. Is your sister still dating the small foreward from Hofstra?

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 5:29 PM 2 comments  

Eli Cleans Up in the Dirty South
Tuesday, October 16




Although he committed three turnovers (2INTs, 1 fumble), Eli Manning was able to pick apart the Falcons defense. Touchdown passes to Amani Toomer and Plaxico Burress raised his season total to 11. The 31-10 victory is the 4th straight by the team after an 0-2 start. Click Here To Read More...

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 9:32 PM 1 comments  

Labels:

Weekend Wrap Up
Monday, October 15

-Who wants to be #1? USC, LSU, and for a few hours CAL relinquished their grasp on the top spot and now it may be Ohio State's turn to run with it for a while. With the Big Ten so bad this year, it may be a few weeks before we see a new king of the BCS.

-Can South Florida actually make it to the BCS title game? This Thursday night might be the game that decides the future of the college football season. If Rutgers actually held their own against Cincinnati and Maryland at home, this would have been a top 10 or even a top 5 battle. If South Florida emerges victorious, they might run the table. Click Here To Read More...

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 11:57 PM 0 comments  

What Should Have Been...
Saturday, October 13

If this year's college football season was a car, it would be that shitty Buick that John Candy drove in Uncle Buck.... embarrassing for those in it, and for those watching.

Two of the biggest examples of why this season has sucked so bad:

1) Excluding Darren McFadden, most of the true Heisman candidates in preseason (Mike Hart, Chad Henne, Ray Rice, Brian Brohm, Steve Slaton, Pat White, Colt Brennan, John David Booty, Eric Ainge, Colt McCoy, and Ian Johnson) basically didn't live up anywhere near the hype. We should have known something was up back in September when there were two grown men named Colt in the running for the trophy. If I had to vote, it would go McFadden, DeSean Jackson from Cal, and Dennis Dixon from Oregon in that order.

2) The upsets and the dumb ass preseason rankings. Appalachian State over then #6 Michigan, Stanford over then #1 USC, #17 Kentucky over then #1 LSU, and Auburn over then #5 Florida. Upsets are fun and exciting to watch, but they have only demonstrated this year how the ranking system is flawed (mainly because it comes out too early in the season) and that there isn't much separation between the elite and the second-tier. To most, this may seem to be beneficial for the sport because there may be a perceived level playing field. To me, this is a demonstration of sub-par quality football around the nation's top conferences.

Take a look at the Preseason Top 25 AP Poll:
(Rank, Team, Votes, Last Year's Record, Total Votes, and Last Year's Final Position)
1. Southern Cal (62) 11-2 1,622 4
2. LSU (2) 11-2 1,511 3
3. West Virginia (1) 11-2 1,396 10
4. Texas 10-3 1,375 13
5. Michigan 11-2 1,371 8
6. Florida 13-1 1,276 1
7. Wisconsin 12-1 1,192 7
8. Oklahoma 11-3 1,166 11
9. Virginia Tech 10-3 1,148 19
10. Louisville 12-1 1,031 6
11. Ohio St. 12-1 876 2
12. California 10-3 790 14
13. Georgia 9-4 782 23
14. UCLA 7-6 605 --
15. Tennessee 9-4 571 25
16. Rutgers 11-2 560 12
17. Penn St. 9-4 542 --
18. Auburn 11-2 519 9
19. Florida St. 7-6 392 --
20. Nebraska 9-5 377 --
21. Arkansas 10-4 376 15
22. TCU 11-2 283 22
23. Hawaii 11-3 256 --
24. Boise St. 13-0 187 5
25. Texas A&M 9-4 162 --

....Here's the key in evaluating just how bad these teams are today: Teams in Bold suck balls. Teams italicized are the equivalent of being robbed by a hooker in Tijuana and having to call your dad to wire you money to fly home.

After the mess that was last weekend and this weekend, I feel that LSU and Cal should be top two. Right now, I still think LSU is the best team in the nation, and that Ohio State and BC play in WACK (not WAC) conferences. USC definitely has as much talent as Cal does, but they are not playing their best ball at the moment.

While listening to the LSU pregame on the radio while I was driving, one of the announcers described Florida's season as "what should have been..."

This left me to ponder how "what should have been" would have changed my blog foreverrrrrrrrrrrr..................

* * * * * * * *

*This week, San Diego and LaDanian Tomlinson look to tie the NFL record for most games with over 600 yards of total offense in one season, and it's only week 6! Not only has Tomlinson been successful on the ground, but QB Ryan Leaf has absolutely destroyed opposing defenses. His poise in the pocket combined with his ability to keep cool under pressure situations (as evidenced in his perfect last minute, game winning drive which included going 6-for-6, 75 yard passing and a TD last week against Denver) shows why he is among the game's elite. Fans of the Chargers better hope Leaf can stay healthy, as relegated clipboard-holder and backup Eli Manning has yet to see any significant game action in his young career

In the offseason, Ryan Leaf finds time to teach Intro to Media Relations at his alma mater, Washington State.

*Da GWH was lucky enough to score tickets to the Notorious B.I.G and Tupac concert last night at the garden. As promised, both rappers donned the fashion statement that has taken over the hood. Biggie and Pac call it the "Rambis."




Kurt Rambis, the epitome of urban garb.

*Now that Major League Baseball developed that great test for de-masking any agent responsible for hiding the use of illegal steroids, it's great watching baseball at its purest form. Personally, I'm glad all those junkies have been thrown out of the league. Especially as we all are amazed each day as David Eckstein continues his postseason tear after hitting a league-leading 7 home runs this season!



*Well, on a personal note, I'm glad to announce that my own mom has taken a job as an assistant to Isiah Thomas. She came home so happy today with the $20 gift certificate to Victoria's Secret he gave her as a "signing bonus." Looks like ol' Zeke finally has learned where to spend the money.

*After I took Stanford and the 39 points last weekend, I was sure that I had enough money to set yet another yellow diamond in Hayden's anniversary gift.

Hayden: Hey GWH, you know what sucks about being your girlfriend?

GWH: What, Hayden?

Hayden: NOTHING!

*Now that I am in law school, I decided to finally make some attempt at becoming more mature. No longer will I be TiVo-ing The Hills, Sunset Tan, and A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila. I will only watch them live the first time, instead of watching them over and over again in my boxers.

*And finally, I no longer can post on Da Great White Hype. The dude from Facebook sent me an offer for the domain name and I have accepted. Don't worry, while you will be installing da great white hype application for your facebook page, I'll be diving in a pool of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck in the beginning of Duck Tales.

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 10:52 PM 0 comments  

Dora the Explorer and Her Weekend Picks
Thursday, October 11


¡Hola mis amigos! Me and my pet monkey are going to tell you our football picks so you will win a lot of money! ¡Let's make it rain, ¡hecho le la lluvia!

Washington Redskins (+3) vs. Green Bay Packers: Last week, Brett Favre looked like George Blanda... at 80 years old. Their defense also played as stinky as my pet monkey Boots' poo poo! ¡El oler muy malo! Their defense allowed 27 points to Griese and the Bears, while Washington pummeled the Lions..

My friend Isa la Iguana says to take the Pack laying the points, but she is a dirty liar, una mentirosa. The line on this game fluctuated because of last week's performance, and I believe that Favre will bounce back. This season, the Skins are 0-2 against the spread. Buttttt Washington's pass defense is very good, allowing only 268 yards of offense per game. Jason Campbell is en fuego, and was named as the NFC Offensive Player of the Week after his performance against Detroit, but let's remember, Kevin Curtis looked like Fred Bilitnikof after that game in Philly. I believe this will be a game that close, but not decided by a field goal and Washington will emerge victorious by a touchdown.

Miami Dolphins (+4) vs. Cleveland Browns: This is my lock of the week, mis amigos. After last week, Miami QB Trent Green now has huevos rancheros for brains after his 8th concussion. Count with me!

¡Uno... dos... tres... cuatro... cinco... seis... siete... OCHO conmociónes!






Now running the show for Los Delfines es Cleo Lemon. Do you like los limones? Although Miami's running game has been going strong, Cleveland's passing attack has proven worthy with Derek Anderson. The key match up in this game will be TE Kellen Winslow against the Miami LBs. Winslow said this week that Miami LB Joey Porter needs a hug, un abrazo. While both teams are allowing much more points then they are scoring (28.23 for Miami, 30.4 for Cleveland), Cleveland is averaging better than a touchdown than Miami is scoring, and I think offense will be the key in this game. Take Cleveland laying 4.


Philadelphia Eagles (-3) vs. New York Jets: Last week, the Jets were able to put up points on offense, defense, and special teams. But....

OH NO!




Swiper the Fox stole my betting sheet!¡Qué lastima!


Can you help me find it?

Oh you see it? Donde esta? I still don't see it!

Oh, you say Chad Pennington found it and will throw it back to us. Although he is not too far away, I think he may be able to throw it to us.



Do you think Chad can throw our betting sheet back to us from this distance? Me neither...he has the arm of a little girl, pequeña muchacha. Let's ask Boots to go get it from him. Gracias, Boots. I like Philly laying the points. Both teams are coming off losses to the New York Giants, but Philly has the added bonus of the Bye week.


***And my upset specials, especials trastornados...

New Orleans (+6) over Seattle Seahawks. Both teams are playing poor offensively (22nd for the Aint's, 21 for the Hawks in total offense). This seems to be a very boring Sunday Night game, and now Mike Holmgren has said that backup running back Maurice Morris will start to become more involved in the offense. Fantasy owners of Shaun Alexander gasp a collective "¿Qué?". Seattle also is without WR Deion Branch with a sprained ankle, and FB Max Strong retired with...um... a spine? A missed field goal and penalties in bad places (well, when are they ever bueno?) late in the game cost the Saints game-changing points last week. Look for them to wake up against the best Detroit Lions impersonators since the Detroit Lions. Take the Saints.

Oakland Raiders (+10) vs. San Diego Chargers: Los Cargadores de San Diego looked excelente last week against the Denver Broncos at Mile High. But, my monkey Boots just told me that Oakland running back Dominic Rhodes comes back esta semana from serving his 4-game suspension for smoking weed. Lets count that en español....

¡uno... dos.... tres.... cuatro juegos suspensión!. I like Oakland and the points.

Adiós my friends! I thank you and Chad Pennington for helping me get by betting sheet back. Make sure to watch tomorrow as Boots and I go searching for the conjoined Sun Devils, diablos del sol!!

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 3:53 PM 0 comments  

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Cowboys and Indians
Tuesday, October 9



We here in the Great White House are still trying to get over last night's game. Yeah, the Yankees lost and all to the Indians, but the Dallas win was more devastating. To most people, Romo's 5 INTs and lost fumble should have sealed the Cowboys' fate in their minds. But as I reminded the Great White Dad, Dick Jauron was still on the sidelines for the Bills. Click here to read more >>

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 5:56 PM 0 comments  

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Vids of the Week

-While I attempt to separate my nutsack from my groin using a rusty chisel after the Yanks lost and Buffalo blew the game agaist Dallas, here are the vids and links of the week... Click here to read more>>

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 12:37 AM 0 comments  

Giants and Weekend Wrap-Up
Monday, October 8

Aaron Ross was suspended for the first half of yesterday's Giants 35-24 victory over the lesser Jets for what was called "undisclosed reasons." By then end of the game, you could add "on-field larceny" to a reason why he should be on the field at all times.




The Giants first round pick from Texas had two interceptions, one off an ill-advised red-zone toss from Jets QB Chad Pennington in the 4th quarter, and the second came with Ross stepping in front of Jerrico Cotchery and returning the pick for a quick six. >>>> MORE



Ballhype: hype it up!

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 7:22 PM 0 comments  

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I Get My First Hate Mail

I woke up this morning thinking my alarm is going off. But I don't work and it's 8am and I dont even have an alarm. I turn over to see that I must have left my laptop on and someone keeps IMing me.

What follows is personally amusing yet cathartic. Whatever that means. >>>MORE

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 2:27 PM 0 comments  

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Rocket TV
Sunday, October 7

-Tune in this Fall as TBS presents Rocket TV, a new drama starring the 1986 AL MVP Roger Clemens. Whether he's acting his age by pulling every muscle in his lower body, or doing his best Cy Young impression, you will never know who the Rocket will show up as next!


Clemens does a great #3 pitcher impression

If the Yankees lose... click here

If the Yankees win... click here

Ballhype: hype it up!

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 5:01 PM 0 comments  

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PAWG of the Week #3
Friday, October 5

If you missed PAWG #2 and PAWG #1 click on those links...

According to Fuzzy Byskitz the famed D.C. lyricist and relative of da GWH...

PAWG- (adj.) pág. Abbv. Phat assed white girl.

Now this week was especially hard to come up with a PAWG. I was leaning more towards Miley Cirus aka Hannah Montana because of her recent newsworthiness. But then after some research, I verified that she would be in violation of PAWG Rule 17.1A "Your father cannot be Billy Ray Cyrus."


>>>>>Click here for the PAWG of the Week




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Posted byDa Great White Hype at 11:01 PM 0 comments  

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Yankee Flow Chart



While the Yankee pitchers and infielders were being sprayed with OFF! during the bug storm, the Yankee hitters really needed a douche of ON! squirted up their vags.

Until the 7th inning, Andy Pettitte and Melky Cabrerra were holding the win up for the Yanks. Although his performance was shown up by the most brilliant Fausto Carmona, Andy managed to get out of trouble every inning. In perhaps one of his last starts in the road grey uni, one inning signified his meaning to the club. With Grady Sizemore leading off with a triple in the bottom of the sixth, Pettitte, pitching with a 1-0 lead, forced Cabrerra to bounce a weak hit back to him for the first out, followed by inning ending K's to Hafner and Martinez.

But that would not be the end of Hafner.

His hit with the bases loaded drove in Kenny Lofton to win the game off of reliever Jose Viscaino in the bottom of the 11th. Now after two dominant pitching performances, the Tribe took a 2-0 lead in the series going back to the stadium on Sunday.


While being sprayed with bug repellent, Joba Chamberlain, who's father was born on a Winnebago Tribe reservation, ponders the ironic nature of attempting to mow down the Indians.


Fausto Carmona was not only dominant in his 9 innings of 1 run allowed work. One mistake slider was his only blemish in the 3rd as Melky took it to right field for his first postseason HR this year. While Joba Chamberlain came in for effective relief after Andy was shut down with two runners on and one out in the 7th, he looked totally uncomfortable on the mound as a reenactment of the locust plague occured on the field. Wild pitches and hit batsmen led to Cleveland tying it up in the 8th, and gaining momentum the whole way.

Tonight, Alex Rodriguez went 8-20 in fly swatting with his hat in the infield, but went 0-4 at the plate with 3 K's and 3 left on base. This leaves him with a .000 AVG this postseason and a possible plane ticket to Los Angeles/Anaheim in December.

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 10:08 PM 0 comments  

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Chase Blackburn Don't Know Snitches Get Stiches...

Yet another incident has occurred involving a news person and a New York professional athlete. A day after Yankees' 1B Doug Mientkiewicz was Tonya Harding-ed by a YES cameraman, it was reported that Giants' LB Chase Blackburn ruptured his right ear drum Sunday after a reporter bumped into him while using a Q-Tip. Now... Chase has asked for help in finding the person responsible for this "bump and run." I wonder how Carmelo would feel about this situation.... >>>>>>MORE

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 12:52 PM 0 comments  

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Rangers and Football Picks





With Game 1 of the ALDS, Rangers opening night, and Kentucky and their legit Heismann canidate Andre Woodson taking on the Cocks of SC... I'm glad we invested in a plethera of flat screens for the living room. >>>>Chris Drury's Immidate Impact and Football Picks Here

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 2:09 AM 0 comments  

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One Step Program

1. The Yankees need to completely forget what happened in Game 1.










Unfortunately, Wang and his sinker went limp early, and the Yankees were unable to turn those walks from Sabathia into runs. It looked so promising after the first inning. Jorge Posada's failure to get anybody home with the bases loaded in the 5th mirrored the team's struggles all night while effectively ending the Yankees chances to take the first game. >>>>More

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 1:30 AM 0 comments  

Almost Game Time...
Thursday, October 4

-Great news for the Yanks already, as Doug Mientkiewicz "got off the team bus and was walking to the clubhouse when a camerman from YES stumbled and fell onto the back of his left leg" (yankees.lohudblogs.com). Well Doug still plans to start tonight's game at 1st base after doing agility drills and being cleared to play prior to game time.

"Whale Tale" Night at Wrigley

_______________________

Picture of the Week Winners (tie):


Ho Down for Osi Umenyiora after his domination of rookie Winston "E-Z Pass" Justice


Fuzzy Byskitz found this little gem. Steven Jackson's sweet sacrilige tatoo.

People in Colorado are still learning about the Rockies. Evidently residents of Denver are still wondering why Larry Walker isn't playing second.

Besides the lack of scoring, unfamiliarity with players, and that european stench that surrounds the sport itself...this may envelope the single reason why soccer won't catch on here

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 6:27 PM 0 comments  

Playoffs... Where the Mets and Their Ugly Fans Fear to Tread


Many of us have memories of games that stick around forever. I'll never forget watching Kordell Stewart and the Hail Mary completion at Ann Arbor with dad when I was 9. Or when the Rangers won the cup in 1994 that same year. I can vivdly recall the flashbulbs at kickoff while in the stands for the 1999 Super Bowl in Miami. Or waiting in Battery Park in 1996 for the World Series champions to parade down for the first time during my life.



As the Wanger goes for NY in the ALDS battle against the Cleveland Indians, it only brings up painful memories of the 1997 ALDS for da GWH (as well as a preview of the Indians/Yanks series) >>>>More

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 1:10 PM 0 comments  

Reason #36 Why Women Shouldn't Be Allowed in the Work Place
Tuesday, October 2



Many women often say that they have to work. I understand that in order to pay that college tuition, you are left with no choice but to strip. But chicks are always making their opinion known that they should be equal (or treated as such) in the workplace. >>>>More

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 7:59 PM 0 comments  

Giants D Sacks it to the Eagles
Monday, October 1




Last night, da GWH was in attendance for the Giants' 16-3 win over the Philadelphia Eagles. After starting the season 0-2 including flat performances by the defense in giving up a league-leading 80 points, Big Blue and coordinator Steve Spagnolo have seemed to right the ship. >>>>More

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 6:15 PM 0 comments  

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The Crazy Saturday That Was

It was a bad weekend to be ranked in college football. Here's what we can take away from the some of the former top 25 teams dropping like flys... More

Posted byDa Great White Hype at 1:27 AM 0 comments  

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